Chapter
4
Rúmil
sat by the river. His hands and legs had finally healed after
a long two months and he had at last been allowed out of the
healing house and assigned quarters. Orophin had been with him
all day, but he had finally given his younger brother the slip.
He didn’t understand why Orophin was being so persistent;
he barely looked at him and cared little for his chatter. He
had followed orders, he ate, washed and moved when he was told,
but that was the limit of his ‘communication’. He
just wanted to be alone.
Now
he stared up at the starlit sky, lost within his pain. It was
a beautiful night, that not so long ago would have him singing
to the stars. Now he stared in silence, his heart heavy. He
forced back the tears that came to his eyes as pain and bitterness
welled in his heart. Maybe it had been a mistake to come here
alone. Perhaps it would be best if he went back to the house.
However, as he went to rise, a song filled the air and he could
not move.
Oíche
is mé liom féin (Night and I am alone)
Spéartha dubh go domhain, a choích (Endless deep
black skies)
Ag cuimhneamh ar laethanta a bhí (Remembering days that
were)
Gan ghá agus gan ghruaim (Without want and without gloom)
Eistim leis an ghaoth (I listen to the wind)
Uaigneas mór, go deo, a choích (Endless great
loneliness forever)
The
slightly melancholy song was just what Rúmil had wanted
to sing and he was surprised to have his desire voiced. He stopped
himself from jumping as figure came up beside him and inwardly
cursed himself for letting his guard down so much.
“Some Galadhrim I am.” He thought bitterly, turning
to see who the newcomer was.
“Forgive me if I startled you.” A soft voice said.
The figure stepped into view and Rúmil beheld a slender
elf with long golden hair and warm green eyes. He was wearing
a pale blue robe and carrying a small harp. “I am Lindir.”
He said with a smile. “Chief Minstrel of Imladris.”
Rúmil opened his mouth to speak before remembering that
he couldn’t. He swallowed the bitterness that surfaced
anew and inclined his head in greeting.
“I know who you are.” Lindir said, putting Rúmil
out of his misery. All of Imladris knew of Rúmil.
The minstrel looked up at the sky. The moon was high and its
light glittered on the water. “It is a beautiful night.”
He said. “Might I sit here a while?”
Rúmil shrugged. He didn’t care; let the elf do
whatever he wanted. Taking this as a positive response, Lindir
sat down.
“Would you like me to sing?” He asked. Surprised
but not opposed to the idea, Rúmil nodded and the blond
elf once more lifted his voice in song.
“Dan
y dwr, tawelwch sydd. (Beneath the waters, there is silence,)
Dan y dwr, galwaf i. (Beneath the waters, I call you)
Nid yw'r swn gyda fi. (There is no company with me.)
Dan
y dwr, tawelwch am byth. (Beneath the waters, silent forever.)
Dan y dwr, galwaf i. (Beneath the waters, I call you.)
Nid yw'r swn ddim fwy gyda fi.” (The sound is no longer
with me.)
No,
he wouldn’t cry. Not here with this elf he hardly knew
after so long of trying to appear strong. No one, not even Orophin
had seen his tears. But the heartfelt melody had brought to
the surface feelings he’d tried desperately to suppress.
A hand came to rest on his shoulder. He looked up to see Lindir
looking at him with compassion. “Nobody will think any
less of you for your tears.” He said gently.
Maybe
he was right but he had cried a great deal. Always in solitude,
but he cried. Night after night he’d soaked his pillow
with silent tears but still the pain remained. He felt trapped
in his silence, wanted to scream and shout and truly release
his pain.
“You need not fear emotion.” The minstrel said.
“Or me.” The hand squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.
Rúmil trembled with the effort to stay in control. Somehow,
Lindir was breaking down all his barriers. He didn’t understand
how this could be when he’d only met the elf a few minutes
ago. Maybe it was the singing. Or maybe it wasn’t.
Lindir
saw that against all the odds, he was getting through to the
traumatised elf. He carefully moved closer and wrapped his arm
around Rumil’s shoulders. “It’s alright. Let
it all out. It’s alright.”
The
wall crumbled.
Rúmil
buried his face in Lindir’s shoulder and cried his heart
out. Silent wrenching sobs that shook his body. Lindir held
him close and stroked his hair, muttering soothing nonsense.
He knew this was a big step for Rúmil; this was the first
stage in healing and moving on.
He could only imagine what Rúmil was going through, he
could hardly conceive of the notion of never singing again,
let alone speaking.
A strange feeling came over him, he wanted to soothe this elf’s
pain, to see him heal and learn to live again. He wanted to
see a smile on that fair face. Without even realising it, he
held Rúmil tighter.
After
what seemed like an age, Rúmil finally cried himself
out. His body stilled but he remained securely in Lindir’s
arms. The shame he felt at breaking down was overwhelmed by
the warmth and comfort of the minstrel’s embrace.
Lindir
didn’t know why he of all elves had finally got through
to Rúmil, but he was glad he had. He felt almost privileged
that it was he in whose arms Rúmil cried. He knew that
Orophin had so far failed in his attempts to rouse his brother
from his depression, even with Elladan’s assistance. Lindir
knew in that moment that if he could help Rúmil, he’d
give up his whole life.
The
body in his arm suddenly went limp and the minstrel looked down
in concern. But a slight smile graced his lips when he realised
that Rúmil had fallen asleep, exhausted by his emotional
outburst. He settled back on the grass, shifting so that Rúmil’s
head rested on his lap. He continued stroking his hair and hummed
a wordless melody as the galadhrim slept.
Orophin
raced around the last homely house, Elladan and Elrohir close
behind.
“Orophin, slow down!” Elladan tried to plead with
his lover, to no avail.
“I can’t slow down!” Orophin cried. “Where
can he have gone?” When he had looked in to Rúmil’s
rooms and found him missing, he had immediately panicked. He
knew his brother’s current state of mind was less than
stable and he greatly feared what Rúmil might do.
“Perhaps he went for a walk?” Elrohir suggested
as he ran to keep up with Orophin. “The gardens are lovely
at night.” Orophin had taken several moonlit strolls with
Elladan and knew this to be true. It was worth a try. Besides,
he’d looked everywhere else.
Lindir
looked up at the sound of running. Turning he saw Orophin, Elladan
and Elrohir running towards him. Orophin looked absolutely terrified.
Lindir’s heart went out to him; he must be going through
hell. He raised a finger to his lips, indicating that they should
keep quiet. He didn’t want to wake Rúmil.
Orophin
calmed when he saw Rúmil with Lindir. He vaguely remembered
meeting the minstrel a week or so previously. But he became
concerned again when he saw Rúmil’s red-rimmed,
bloodshot eyes.
“What happened?” Elladan whispered as Orophin stared
at his slumbering brother.
“He cried himself to sleep in my arms.” Linder replied
softly, a hint of amazement in his voice. “I would have
taken him back, but I didn’t know where his rooms are.”
“He cried?” Orophin was stunned.
“Ai.” Lindir confirmed. “Then he fell asleep.
It must have exhausted him.” Orophin felt dampness in
his own eyes. Thank the Valar; maybe they were finally getting
somewhere.
“He should be in bed.” Orophin said. Lindir nodded
and tried to lift Rúmil. But he was very slight and could
not, at least not without fear of dropping him. Orophin stopped
him and stepped forward, lifting Rúmil into his arms.
Though Rúmil was older, Orophin had always been of heavier
build and lifted his brother easily.
Rúmil
did not stir as Orophin carried him back, followed by Lindir
and the twins. He placed him in the bed and covered him, before
going to leave.
“I’d like to stay.” Lindir said suddenly.
Orophin frowned. “Why?” He asked, wondering what
interest this elf had in his brother.
“It is I in whose arms he cried.” Lindir said gently.
“I feel that he trusts me, I would not wish for him to
wake and feel that he had been betrayed.”
Orophin was strangely touched by Lindir’s gesture. Indeed,
the minstrel seemed to have had a profound effect on Rúmil,
perhaps he was right.
“Very well.” He said. “I will leave him with
you. I trust you will do him no harm?” His voice carried
the barest undertone of a threat.
“You can trust Lindir.” Elladan said, smiling at
his friend. “I think he will be good for Rúmil.”
“I swear I will not harm him.” Lindir promised.
Orophin nodded, satisfied and with one last look at his brother,
left the room.
Lindir
moved a chair closer to Rúmil’s bedside. Despite
the disruption of being carried back and the hushed whispers
he had not woken, proving how weak he still was. It made Lindir
sad; he had been one of the Galadhrim not so long ago, a fearsome
warrior. It was unfair that his life had been so brutally ripped
apart.
He sat watching Rúmil for some time, until he too began
to feel weary. He knew he should at least move to the sofa,
but he had become comfortable in the soft chair and before he
knew it, had fallen asleep.
When
Rúmil awoke the next morning he quickly became aware
of a presence nearby. He assumed it was Orophin, come to check
on him, but when he looked he found that instead it was the
minstrel from the previous night. Memories rushed back and he
remembered with some embarrassment his breakdown by the river.
He wondered how he had got back to his rooms. Surely the slender
minstrel hadn’t carried him?
Sitting up, he took a long look at the elf before him. He remembered
how tenderly he’d held him as he cried and hadn’t
scorned him for his weakness. He had to admit, he felt better
for releasing some of his pain in front of another. It was still
there, but it wasn’t quite as all consuming as it had
been.
A
feeling of being watched roused Lindir from his slumber. He
blinked and found himself looking into a pair of bright blue
eyes. “Good morning.” He said quietly, realising
that Rúmil was awake. Rúmil nodded in response
and Lindir smiled. He moved his head and immediately regretted
it. He was terribly stiff from sleeping in the chair all night.
He winced and rubbed his neck.
Rúmil
shook his head in disapproval. It was his fault Lindir had slept
in the chair all night. He got out of the bed, noticing that
he was still wearing his under-garments. Curiosity got the better
of him and he decided to try to ask a question. He pointed out
of the window, in the general direction of the river, then to
his bed, a look of confusion on his face.
Lindir quickly grasped what he was trying to ask.
“You fell asleep by the river.” He said. “Orophin
came looking for you and carried you back.”
“Rúmil nodded again, blushing slightly at the thought
of being carried to bed by his younger brother. Then he shook
the thought off and went into the bathroom where he proceeded
to draw a bath, adding plenty of scented soap to the water.
He wasn’t sure why, but something about Lindir drew him
from the despair he’d been wallowing in.
When
the bath was ready he returned to the bedroom, where Lindir
was standing, looking slightly lost. He beckoned to him and
Lindir came over. He led the minstrel into the bathroom and
pointed to the bath.
“For me?” He asked and Rúmil nodded, gently
tapping Lindir’s sore neck.
“Thank you” He said gently. “But there is
room enough for two and you must need a bath yourself. Will
you join me?”
Rúmil thought for a moment. It wasn’t as if he’d
never shared a bath before. Still, so much had changed recently
and he didn’t know what to think. In the end, the simple
fact that Lindir had spent the entire night in a chair and not
complained made him decide that it would be impolite to refuse.
He inclined his head in acceptance and stripped off while Lindir
did the same, both trying to avoid looking at the other. Lindir
however couldn’t resist a look and gasped out loud when
he saw the scars that covered Rúmil’s body. Rúmil
looked over and Lindir blushed, stepping into the water.
“I’m sorry.” He said. “ I didn’t
know how badly they hurt you.” His voice was barely a
whisper.
Rúmil stepped into the bath and came to sit by Lindir.
For some reason, he felt the urge to make the minstrel feel
better. Without words though, he didn’t know what to do.
He reached out and laid his hand on Lindir’s. Lindir smiled
and gently squeezed his hand. He took a deep breath before he
spoke.
“Rúmil, I know we only met last night but I want
you to know I’m here if ever you should need me.”
He met the bright blue eyes with his own hazel ones.
Rúmil heard his words and felt a warmth within him. He
looked at Lindir and did something he had not done since the
attack. He gave the minstrel a small smile.
In
that moment Lindir’s life changed forever. He knew beyond
a shadow of doubt that his future lay now with the silent elf
who had just stolen his heart.
END
CHAPTER 4
