It's raining.
It never used to rain here. But the Lord and Lady have gone now
and with them their magic. I don't mind. I like the rain; it makes
me feel alive.
It's been raining since sunset, some hours ago. I haven't slept;
I rarely do anymore. To sleep is to dream and dreams hurt.
I
look down and see my brother, asleep in my arms. We always sleep
like this now. We have to, there is no rest otherwise. Both
of us need the reassurance of the others presence, that we are
not alone. Though in truth, I need it more.
He
grieves, I know he does, but he can control it better than I.
I'm the one that wakes screaming, shivering in a cold sweat.
I feel so weak when he holds me tight and tells me that all
will be well. I hate myself for not believing him.
I'm
the older; I should be strong for him. But I'm not, despite
my best efforts.
I
wish, just once, I could sleep without dreaming. Or even to
dream of something else. But it's always the same, every night.
Every night I relive that one agonizing moment over and over
again. Always I try to change what happens, but of course I
cannot. There's nothing I can do except wake up and grieve.
I'm
so tired, both in body and in soul. Even during the day, when
there is much to keep me busy, my thoughts are never far from
that one truth, the one thing I still cannot accept. I wear
myself out, hoping to find rest, but I never do.
More
than once I've considered fading, with a seriousness that scares
me. I won't though. I can’t do that to Orophin. He's already
lost one brother; I will not deprive him of another. But I would
give almost anything to find peace.
With
a sigh I carefully move away from my brother and lay him down.
He moves, sensing the loss of contact, but does not wake. Odd,
he never used to sleep so deeply. I think that he hides in his
dreams as I run from mine.
I
leave the bedroom and quickly make the herbal tea the healers
prescribed. I hate it, but every so often I resort to it for
rest. If only it stopped me dreaming, it wouldn't be so bad,
I'd even welcome it.
I
drink it as quickly as I can, then return to Orophin, taking
him in my arms again. Others may laugh if they saw how we cling
to each other like lost elflings, but we do not care. I often
feel very much like a lost elfling and I think that Orophin
does too.
Soon
I become drowsy and before much longer the waking world fades
and I am taken reluctantly into Elven dreams.
Blood.
The blood of elves, humans and orcs is everywhere. On me too,
covering my face, my armour, my sword. I fight desperately,
wanting only for it to end. In all my long years I have never
been in a battle as horrific as this.
I
hear a distant cry, a terrible cry, a call to retreat. Not unexpected
though, we are greatly outnumbered.
I look up; I can see him, my brother. His golden armour is stained
with the blood of dozens of orcs, his usually immaculate hair
flying freely, but he is still our leader. He nods in response
to the cry and starts to fight his way back. As I fight my own
foes I wonder if he hates to retreat as much as I do.
Then he stumbles.
At first I think he's only tripped. Then I catch a glimpse of
his face and realise he's been hurt. Fear grows in the pit of
my stomach as I see another orc moving up behind him. A single
thought enters my mind - 'run.' So I do. I run towards him as
fast as I can; yet I know I will not be in time.
I scream as the orc blade comes down, cutting deeply into his
back. Still I run, I can't stop; I have to get to him.
Aragorn
reaches him first. He pulls him into his arms, says something
I cannot hear. Then he places his hand on Haldir's chest before
letting him go. He falls to the ground and my blood runs cold
as I realise the truth for the first, but not the last time.
My brother is dead.
I scream again as I try to climb up to where he lays. I can't
get there. There are too many orcs between me and him. Oh Valar,
I'll never see him again, never…
"Rúmil!"
I must be screaming aloud again, Orophin is trying to wake me.
I'm in too deep though; I can't escape just yet as much as I
want too. I'll have to go through the nightmare at least once
more before I can wake.
"Rúmil!"
Odd, it doesn't sound like him. It is a familiar voice though.
Is someone else here?
"Rúmil, listen to me!"
The voice is so close. Who can it be?
"Rúmil, over here!"
I
turn towards the sound. Who calls me in my dreams? I cannot
see anyone; mist covers everything. I continue to walk towards
the voice, if only out of curiosity and relief at getting a
respite from the nightmare.
A figure appears through the mist, getting ever closer to me.
Suddenly the mist clears and I see who it is that calls me.
My heart all but stops. I have never dreamed this before. Never
seen him looking so alive. My voice is but a whisper as I speak.
"Haldir?"
He smiles and my eyes fill with tears. Valar, let me never wake
up.
"I've missed you." I tell him, trying to give voice
to my raging emotions.
"I've missed you too." He replies. "I'm so sorry,
my brothers."
It's
then that I notice that Orophin is here too, standing a little
way away.
"Oh, Haldir!" Orophin cries and tries to embrace him.
But his hands pass straight through. Shocked, I step forward
to place my hand on Orophin's shoulder. Strange, he seems solid
enough.
"I'm not really here." Haldir explains gently. "I
have been released to Valinor; the power of the blessed Isle
has allowed me to enter your dreams."
"To Valinor?" I echo. "You are not in Mandos'
Halls?"
He shakes his head.
"No. I was granted early release for my actions at Helms
Deep. I came to Valinor but days ago."
Orophin and I are speechless. It has been but one hundred years
since he fell. Truly, the Valar must favour him. My heart lightens
for the first time since that terrible day.
"You
are happy there?" I manage to ask.
He nods.
"It is a glorious place. I am lonely though; I miss you
as you miss me. I can not wait for the day you join me."
"We will come soon." I promise, smiling slightly.
"Then maybe you can stop having nightmares." Orophin
adds. Haldir looks at me, concerned.
"You have nightmares?"
I nod. "Frequently."
"It's been hard." Orophin says. "There has been
little time to grieve. Rúmil has been leading the Galadhrim,
with me as his second."
Haldir looks confused.
"I was far from the only one to fall. Surely there were
funerals for those who died?"
"Of course there were." I say. "All the prayers
and blessings. But did think it ended there? Do you think after
that I just forgot?"
He gives me an odd look.
"Maybe it would have been better if you had."
I can hardly believe what I am hearing.
"Surely you did not wish for me to forget you?" My
shock is clear in my voice.
"If it would have spared you pain, then yes." He says,
strangely calm.
Suddenly
I am angry. How can he think such a thing?
"You do not understand!" I cry. "You still do
not know!"
He is confused.
"What do I not know?" He asks. "Please, Rúmil,
tell me."
My voice cracks as tell him.
"I saw it, Haldir! I saw you die!"
He gasps in shock.
"How can that be? You were not there!"
"Yes I was." I look away, unable to meet his gaze.
"We both were." Orophin tells him. "We didn't
tell you we were going; we didn't want you to worry about us.
We kept to the back of the ranks."
"We didn't want you to get distracted." My voice is
dull. "It didn't work though. You still fell." I look
up now and meet his troubled gaze. "What do you think it
is that haunts my dreams?" I ask him. "What is it
that causes me to wake screaming night after night?"
"Me." He whispers.
I nod. "I see you die. Over and over again."
Guilt
clouds his face and my anger vanishes. He never meant for it
to be this way, I should not blame him. I watch as he turns
to face Orophin.
"Did you see too?" He clearly dreads the answer.
"I saw Aragorn holding you. That is all." My younger
brother's reply calms Haldir somewhat. I too am grateful that
he was spared from seeing what I did.
"I'm so sorry." Haldir whispers. "I never wanted
to cause you pain."
"I know." I say, offering him a small smile. "But
we will be together again soon and never be parted again."
"I will be waiting." He replies. Then he sighs. "But
now I must go, the sun is rising, the power of the dream fading."
"Very well." I reach out and take Orophin's hand.
"Go if you must. It is not for long."
"No, it is not." He smiles.
The
mist rolls back in, covering everything. I lose sight of him
and grip Orophin's hand. He returns the grip as darkness falls.
Almost as soon as the darkness comes, there is light. I blink,
realising I am still in bed, Orophin beside me. Outside the
sun is shining; it rains no longer. For a terrible moment I
think the whole thing was nothing but a dream conjured up by
my troubled mind. I turn to look at Orophin.
As
soon as I see his face, I know it was not just a dream. For
a long moment, neither of us speaks. Finally my brother breaks
the silence.
"I take it we are leaving then?"
I look away.
"I am. You will come?"
He smiles at me.
"Of course. What is there left for me on Arda now that
you are leaving?"
I smile, touched by his words.
"There is much to do then." I get out of the bed.
"Come; let us make ready to go."
It
is a week before we leave. I have handed over the leadership
of the remaining Galadhrim to my third and sent a letter to
Lord Celeborn in Eryn Lasgalen, informing him of our departure.
No one is really surprised to see us leave. It has been no secret
that we have long pined for our brother.
We
ride to the Grey Havens; our few possessions packed in saddlebags.
It is hard not to push our horses too hard, eager as we are
to sail.
We
are lucky, there is a ship preparing to go as we arrive. We
hurry aboard, barely taking the time to greet Lord Cirdan and
collect our things. I had always thought I would feel sad on
leaving Middle-Earth, but I do not, for all that held me to
this land has gone. I cannot be in Valinor soon enough.
The
journey seems to take an age. Every morning I look west, hoping
to see land. Orophin is the same, watching and waiting.
It is the afternoon of the eighth day when I hear him call out.
"Over there, Look!"
I look and my heart leaps. Land, Valinor. We are almost there!
Neither of us take our eyes from the rapidly expanding coastline.
We both still carry the fear that he will not be there.
Our
fears are in vain. As the ship comes into the harbour, I see
a lone figure on the sand. A quiet gasp comes from Orophin and
I know he has seen him too. Haldir looks to our ship and his
face lights up. I realise that he has watched every ship for
our coming, not knowing when we would arrive.
No
sooner is the ship anchored than I leap off, Orophin close behind
me.
I grab Haldir in a crushing embrace, Orophin joining in a moment
later. We fall to the ground, laughing and crying as we roll
in the sand.
When
we finally stop we don't move, lying flat on our backs on the
sand, staring up at the sky. I smile, remembering that we used
to do this as elflings by the Nimrodel. Then Haldir reaches
out and takes my right hand as Orophin takes the left. A wonderful
sense of peace and completion washes over me and I take long
deep breaths of the sweet air.
At
last, I am at peace.
The
power of the dream has brought me here and I will never have
nightmares again.
THE END
I
hope you liked it! Reviews will be very much appreciated!
